Note: I have spent the last month or so healing from heel spur surgery. I chose a knee scooter instead of crutches to keep all the weight off my foot until my Achilles tendon has healed.
Your dog will sense your injury and treat you with delicate reverence. Your cat might open his eyes with a withering look of, "Get over it."
You will run over your own good foot. You will run over it again, and again, and again.
Downhill: gentle slopes are fun. Uphill: level is best.
You need only one shoe, but it had better have a good grip.
After only a couple of weeks of mostly sitting on your duff, you will totally understand where the Princess and the Pea is coming from.
Your husband will declare your kitchen "inconvenient" and proceed to rearrange everything, thus proving himself right. However, he will be a tireless chauffeur, dishwasher, butler, pooper scooper, yard boy, nurse and toilet paper stocker.
As for the rest of the housework, sticky is as dusty does.
You thought giving a cat medicine under normal circumstances was difficult. Now you know better.
You can only hope you have it in you to say, "Of course!" with the same immediate and warm generosity your sister said it upon your requesting she deliver you to the surgery center by six a.m.
You know you are getting ripe when your husband comes at you wielding scissors, duct tape and a large black plastic bag.
Step-over bathtub just a few rolling feet from your bed, or step-into shower crawling up a flight of stairs and across a suddenly vast bedroom? The shower, baby. The shower.
Your knee will never again mock your foot for complaining about carrying all the weight.
 Dr. Conner Mai, at the Visalia Medical Clinic, did my surgery and applied two fine foot casts in summertime blue. His assistant removed them without nicking my skin. |
If you thought your kitchen was big, the trolley will shrink it. If you thought your kitchen was small, the trolley will stretch it out.
A handicap pull bar alongside the toilet doesn’t look as bad as you thought it would. And no matter how it looks, you’ll be glad to have it.
Your mom is a great cook, and so generous with her time and effort that you don’t mind admitting she’s a better cook than you.
Gator guys, duck dorks, repo rebs, dogged bounty hunters, lizard lickers, storage locker shenanigans, pawn shop putzes, bridezillas and Gypsy brides – redneck television rules, these days. And you will never be desperate enough to check them all out.
A thousand chairs: a thousand ways to get out of them without falling.
No comments:
Post a Comment